


Yoga Pants

by shouldhaveknownbetter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Gen, Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), justice for Aunt May, like immediately post
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 13:24:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20967281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shouldhaveknownbetter/pseuds/shouldhaveknownbetter
Summary: “What the fu-“ Aunt May says in the last seconds of Spider-Man: Homecoming.  A completely legit reaction to seeing one’s nephew wearing the stretchy suit of a local superhero who can stick to walls and lift buses.  And by now we all know that after May found out all the secrets Peter was keeping, she became his biggest cheerleader.  But on her journey to acceptance, she had a stop to make in the office of a certain Tony Stark.  Because Tony Stark might have a heart, but he had misplaced the manual somewhere along the way.





	Yoga Pants

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, I realize everyone loves Tony, and so do I. He’s entertaining as hell to watch and certainly a hero. But can we just admit he was a terrible to mentor/friend/human being to Peter onscreen during Spider-Man: Homecoming? Yeah, we all know he was.
> 
> Thanks to Ebony10 for the beta-ing and encouragement! It’s a thrill to have someone to squee with!

May wished she was above such manipulations, but she’s not. She passed over her power suits, her woman on the warpath, I-will-kill-you-and-you’ll-thank-me stilettos, and her arty Queens boho ensembles for the most mom-style combo she could come up with: yoga pants, her “My Kid is an Honor Roll Student at Midtown High” hoodie, and her stupid, ratty knock-off Uggs that she actually had to dig out of the bag of shelter donations that she had been meaning to drop-off for literally months. Well, in her defense, things have been a little hectic recently. 

And it had all been worth it to see the lascivious light in Tony Stark’s eyes sputter out as she was shown into his office by his sleek – human – assistant. Never mind how hard it had been to track him down, figure out exactly which of his many, many offices, labs, or lairs he might be currently squatting in and how she might best catch him unprepared. In the end, she just called and set up an appointment, saying something like she needed some advice or wanted him to help her get some tickets. The assistant on the end of that particular call had been polite but distant, fencing her off from directly interacting with the big man himself, thinking she was just some Starf*cker with delusions. But clearly after insincerely promising to put her message through to Mr. Stark _something_ had bounced off some keywords, alerting the always-listening AI, and the assistant had called back immediately, effusive and helpful for Ms. Parker, _anything_ for Ms. Parker, said Mr. Stark.

May had just smiled grimly to herself, alone in her apartment, after sending Peter to school and taking a personal day, but didn’t let her anger and triumph bleed through when she answered the clueless assistant, who had probably stopped trying to make sense of the Great Man’s whims. Didn’t Tony know that his responsiveness alone was suspicious? He should have treated her just like all of the other members of the unwashed public who wanted a crumb of his time and attention. Oh, could you get me an appointment with Mr. Stark, May said instead. Ten minutes. I want to thank him _personally_.

So here she was, face-to-face with Iron Man: _billionaire, playboy, philanthropist_ who had liked that particular turn of phrase _so much_ after the Battle of New York, he had somehow managed to work it into all his morning show appearances. It was rumored he even put it on business cards for a short while until Pepper Potts – instead of telling him he was tacky beyond belief – said she was getting matching cards saying Pepper Potts: _socialite, pole dancer, accountant_ which got his attention, so he dropped it and moved onto another shtick. He was certainly all those things, but he was also the asshole who had hooked her teenage nephew up with a high-tech suit and told him it was okay to go out and jump off buildings and fight criminals.

“May! It’s a delight to see you this far uptown. Downtown? How do we talk about things outside of Queens? I’m just not that hip to the lingo anymore, so you tell me.”

“Tony.” May let him take both of her hands and as he leans in to kiss her cheek, looked him right in the eye and said. “Were you ever going to tell me that you outfitted my kid with a weaponized suit so he could out and get shot at on the streets of New York?”

Tony stopped millimeters from her cheek and hovered, before pulling back, now wary. “So. we’re here already? I always knew we’d be right here.” He dropped her hands and pointed to the ground to emphasize his words. “Well, not here-here, maybe we’d do this upstate or in your apartment, but you know, conversationally speaking, this was always barreling down the tracks. So soon though? I thought Pete was super-committed to keeping you out of things?”

“Let’s just say the choice was taken out of his hands.” May remained standing as Tony retreated a few steps. 

“Okay, then. Let’s get to it. The suit is a gift. No thanks necessary. The letter of recommendation is a given. Whatever school he wants, he’s in. I tried to stop him, blah blah blah, but he’s just so full of that heroic spirit that I just knew he wouldn’t listen. _Capice_?”

“Fuck you, Tony Stark.” May watched for a flinch, but he didn’t even blink. In the range of anger he thought she might produce, he was clearly prepared for a much harder hit. Very well. “You turned my kid into a weapon and when you didn’t need him to threaten people with anymore, you turned him loose with tech that he didn’t fully know how to use and then acted like he had to earn your trust to get noticed again. You’re lucky you didn’t get him killed in Germany or thrown in jail. Or as much as it terrifies me to admit this is perhaps even _worse_, you’re lucky he didn’t accidently kill anyone with all the firepower you gave him, because _that_ would have killed _him_ for sure. What the hell is wrong with you that you think it’s okay to arm a kid who only wants to go out and do good, and then never return his calls until he’s so deep in shit that he has to be rescued? Oh, and _then_ you yell at him.”

“Wow. Okay. When Pete unburdens his soul, he doesn’t hold anything back. I’ll remember that for the future.” _Deflect, deflect_. May saw his face twitch behind the stupid yellow lenses of his glasses. For all his flip carelessness, she knew he was listening. “You’re absolutely right, Ms. Parker. I was irresponsible and foolhardy. It won’t happen again. Never again. No more underage wards. No more weird sneaking around. I have seen the light. You have my word that I’ll leave your nephew alone.’

“Is that what you think I want?” May had always thought that Tony Stark’s reputation as a genius was a little overblown. She, too, had been taken in by all the flash and talk initially. Now she knew he was a complete idiot. “What? Are you just going to ghost him like he’s a bad date? What’s _wrong_ with you?”

“Oookay, so that was not the right answer. Tell me what you want. Enlighten me.”

May threw her arms wide in exasperation. “Look, I know about how much anything would be worth to Peter if he thinks that I came and shamed you into being decent to him. That’s why he’s not here now.” She drew a deep breath and kept going. “I’m beyond pissed at him for keeping this whole radioactive spider thing from me, but I understand why he did it. If I wasn’t so terrified for him, I’d just be proud of how he’s only helped people with all the crazy things he can do now and hasn’t used it to pick up girls or cheat at sports. But _you_. You took him from a kid just running around in the back alleys of Queens into a fight between criminals and super soldiers. And he _loves_ you for it. _So_. You either need to step up and be what he needs or explain to him why you can’t.”

Tony scrunched up his face and started fiddling with some stupid dial on his wristwatch. Probably had a whole suit of armor just ready to deploy to get him out of this inconvenient conversation. But instead of dramatically bailing, he sighed and said, “Okay, yeah. You got me. I fucked up. I fucked things up on a whole new level that I didn’t even know existed.” Tony flounced into a chair. What a drama queen. “I thought that I could just dip in, equip him, give him some advice, and tap out again. That he wouldn’t need me. And, really, he doesn’t need me. Did he tell you about his trip upstate….” He trailed off, like he suddenly remembered that he might be getting Peter in even more trouble.

May nodded. “He seemed to think that you were testing him. That it was another manipulation. But I think that you’re not that sophisticated. That you’re actually still bumbling around without the slightest clue how to relate to him. Here’s a hint: just _care_ about him. He doesn’t need fancy suits or upgrades. All he wants is to know you’re there for him.”

Tony swiveled around for a moment in his stupidly ergonomic chair that definitely cost as much as May’s monthly rent. Quarterly rent. _Why on earth was she helping his super rich man figure out his feelings and trying to get him to be a better person?_ she thought wildly for just a moment before she remembered Peter’s face when he was talking about working with Tony Stark. Radiant. Oh, that’s why. 

“That’s it, huh. You’re here to tell me to be a better person. You’re not actually here to feed me my own liver.”

May smiled her sweetest, kindest smile, the _most _deceptive smile, the one that Ben always said sent chills down his spine and made him know he was about to lose whatever card game they were currently playing. “I will if you ever fail him so badly again. 

Tony shivered. “Noted. So, what now?”

May stretched. The yoga pants were totally the right decision. “Now, Peter decides. And you may be new to this whole kid thing so I’ll share with you the most painful lesson I’ve had to learn: in the end, you don’t get to decide for him or force him to do anything, all you can do is give him all the right tools and then step back before he shoves you away. If he decides he’s done with you, you’re out. Forever.”

“Ouch.”

“Yep. But either way, we’re taking that letter of recommendation.” May swung her bag more firmly over her shoulder. “So, Peter’s free this Sunday evening. Call him. Invite him for dinner or something and have a real conversation. Listen. Have him back at a decent hour because he has school the next day.”

“Aye, aye, sir!” Tony saluted.

“And I won’t tell him that I made you do it, but you can if you want.” May was almost to the door when Tony finally spoke again.

“I wish you’d yelled at me more. Been mean. It would be easier to take.” His voice was quiet.

“I know,” May said in her sweetest, kindest voice. And then she left. There was a yoga flow class starting in 45 minutes. She’d taken the whole day off and was already wearing the right pants, might as well go.


End file.
